Father of the Bride

This evening Shannon and I watched a great old movie, Father of the Bride. When I watched it as a kid I just thought it was a funny movie, with a cute story. But watching it as an adult, WOW! It was a real tear jerker for me. This movie was exactly how I would imagine I will be when my kids get married. Steve Martin did such a great job narrating the film. Every thing he said was dead on!

There was one time when the "Father of the Bride" was watching his daughter get married, and he said "it just hit me, Annie won't be home any more waiting at the top of the stairs when I get home, She won't be sitting at the breakfast table in her pajamas and socks any more, I won't be waiting up for her any more at night to be sure that she got home safe", and when I heard that I lost it. I bawled! During the wedding in the movie, when watching the mother walk down the isle to be seated, while watching the father walk the bride down the isle, and watching the couple stand in front of the church made me cry so hard. All I could think of was my kids will be there one day, and if I'm falling apart during a movie just thinking about them getting married, how will I hold it together through the real deal?!?! At one point I looked at Shannon and said "How will we.............." I couldn't finish my sentence, I was doing the ugly cry. I was supposed to say, How will we do this for Mia one day, but it didn't come out. I cried even harder. Shannon surprisingly looked really moved by the whole thing too. I think we shared a moment, but he won't ever admit it.

I always say how excited I am to maybe one day be kid free! Take vacations, make small dinners, if any at all. Not have to give baths, or make people brush their teeth. Who cares about what the kids are wearing, they don't live with me any more, that's their responsibility. No more worrying about grades or behavior, no more loud kids in the other room playing so loud and annoying that I can't hear the TV...........No more washing four thousand dishes a day, and the laundry, WOW how it will shrink! All this sounds so great to me. It sounds like a magical fairy tale, it sounds like every mother's dream right? Right now it seams like a night mare. How will I let my kids go? How will I exist if I'm not their mommy? What will fill my days, my worries, my happiness, where will my adventures come from, what will make me excited and proud, where will all the noise come from when they are gone.........what will fill my heart when my kids go away and don't need me every day any more?

Ever since I was 16 I have been mommy. One day I won't be needed as mommy any more. I'll just be Mother, or even worse...........Mother-in-law.

Who was I kidding when I said I can't wait to be an empty-nester? Apparently I was kidding myself. I'm not ready for my babies to grow up and go away, and I don't think I ever will be.